The Real St. John Smythe

So very many of you, my show’s fans, write on a daily basis to ask about my furnishing. Well my faithful readers, here is, as they say, the skinny:

Lets start with the chairs. Those beautifully eligant curves of white polymer, sculpted to the seated body’s form. If they didn’t exist, someone would have had to invent them. They were brought into the world out of the mind of Danish Designer “Verner Panton”, and can be bough for ready cash — make that bucket loads of cash, but then that’s OD TV’s concern rather than mine.

Vitra.com stock and sell not only these chairs, but many other items, which, whilst you probably wouldn’t want to furnish your entire home with them, you may like to drool over wantonly on a regular basis (as I do). Fortunately, as so many are in scratch-resistant plastic, the embarrassing oral expulsion can be easily wiped off with a damp cloth.

Initially, I demanded that we use the Eames chairs, but when the lovely set design humored me and we tested them out, it rapidly became apparent that it would be almost impossible to conduct discussions with all parties reclined. Picture what would happen if both the psychiatrist and patient were laid out, near horizontally, talking about their mother.

They’d also not have worked as part of the show logo.

One thing that I almost didn’t get my way on was the floor covering. Baz just wanted bear flooring, and got his miserly way until the tech rehearsal. As soon as our faux guests start to fidget, the flooring started acting like a drum-skin, amplifying the sound of their movements manifold, and driving our sound guy insane. The net result? Flokati rugs. For those of you unfamiliar with these sumptuous artifacts, they are the pinnacle of humanities pursuit for podiatry pleasure. They are to regular rugs, as gold is to dust-bunnies. In fact, calling them rugs is almost a crime. If there were any justice in the world, they would have their very own classification, as the gods of floor furnishings. Even to this day, I find it hard to resist the urge to strip naked and just roll around on the Flokati for a couple of hours. We almost made The Arts of Conversation the first shoe free show.

You should, of course, sell your aged aunt, if necessary, and cover your floors exclusively in Flokati. Nay, why stop there? Sell your parents and children in to slavery, and you could do the walls and ceiling as well. Sound appealing, then go to flokati.com and start your very own slavery ring now.